don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
