U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
