I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
