She is in my trunk
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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