You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
