All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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