I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
