they need to just BURY HIM!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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