everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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