i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
