He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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