How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
