I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
