I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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