Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
