Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
