Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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