took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
whose parrot is this?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
