just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
