i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How naked do you want me to be?
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