p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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