did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
