I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
