I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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