Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
