This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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