giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Houston, we have a blender
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
