carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
