oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
