Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think my moral compass just broke
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
