she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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