Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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