why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
