She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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