I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
