I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
