The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
