OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
