my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
