i'm signing you up for texting rehab
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
