Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
