After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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