She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
