woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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