Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
