i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
