I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
