I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
