I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
