I like to think it a success when the cops are called
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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