Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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