Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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