I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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