i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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