wakey wakey hands off snakey
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
