you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
