How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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