I should be sponsored by Trojan
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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