we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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