Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
