Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
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we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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