So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
