i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
