Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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