I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
