And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
