My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize