Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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