if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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