I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
