I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
