Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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