I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize