its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
