It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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